Things Hazel Has Said

Taihape, You’re Letting The Team Down

Taihape

Image borrowed from: http://www.taihape.co.nz/


It’s Nice To Be Important

bp-connect

Image borrowed from: videopro.co.nz


To Me From Me

vikings-katheryn


Three Ways With Ranga

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A Mojito Kinda Monday

Strawberry Moito


Check Yo’self

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Image via: Jasmine Dowling


Gal Pals | Erena

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Anti-Social Media

Anti social media


My Pride and F*cking Joy

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Leave Her Wild

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Cat Mum Life

I need to start by apologising to every cat mum that I criticised before becoming a cat mum myself. I sat and judged you, and your cat (or cats), and I really didn’t know how hard it was to be a cat mum.  Read about my cat mum life here


The Lady With The Magic Hands

My friend Alesha from Vital Balance gave me a call and asked if I could please be a guinea pig for a Balanced Energy treatment with the new therapist.  My energies weren’t great, and a Balanced Energy treatment combines massage with holistic healing techniques to alleviate stress and provide a foundation for rebalancing yourself. Read about my treatment with Tia-Anna here


What Not To Say To Someone After a Breakup

If you’re wondering what the right thing to say is, try something like, “I’m so sorry to hear that, break ups suck and you must be really sad right now, but you’re a bad ass bitch, and you’ve been through worse, back yourself babes, you got this.” Read about what not to say here


Float Like A Butterfly

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I totally dig alternative therapies when it comes to wellness.  Good ol’ Instagram brought Float Therapy to my attention, and I included a session at The Floatation Sanctuary during my recent trip to Taranaki.  Read about my experience here


Let Them Have Cake

A person who specialises in making women feel good about themselves through diet and exercise, shared a picture I posted on Facebook of my third piece of (fresh, moist) banana cake.  This person suggested that excess consumption of “treats” does not get someone closer to their goal.  My goal is not to lose weight, my goal is not to trim down or tone up, my goal is definitely not to eat less cake.  Read my rebuttal here


I’m Still Standin’ (yeah, yeah, yeah!)

Every night before I go to sleep and every morning before I get up, I make it my personal mission to read the entire internet.  I fail twice a day.  One of the things I’ve read is that if you want to be a blogger you should blog once a week.  Read about why I can’t blog once a week right now here


What To Do When Your Friend Has A Baby

I’ve read plenty of material on the internet about what to do and what not to do when your friend has a baby, and the over-thinker in me obsesses over these posts.  I am acutely aware of the increasing cases of PND, and of course I can’t wait for newborn snuggles, but there is much to consider when your friends give birth, and it’s really hard to know what to do.  Check out how much of an idea I don’t have here


 

Not Everybody Wants To Rule The World

You don’t have to be self-employed, paying yourself six figures and have a social media following of more than 50,000 to be a #GIRLBOSS.  You could be managing a team of seven, working sixty hours a week and be a #GIRLBOSS.  You could be wrangling two kids under two, or one kid under ten and be a #GIRLBOSS.  You could be sleeping in, going to yoga, eating cookies, and watching Dr Phil on the daily and be a #GIRLBOSS.  Read about why I’m OK with being ordinary here


 

Therapy For The Soul

For as long as I can remember, I have been a feeler.  I was an “over sensitive” child, always worrying about stray cats and starving children and whether my dad would be called to fight the war in Iraq.  I went to one funeral and sobbed more than all of Myrtle’s grandkids put together, and was banned from attending any more.  Read about how I deal with my feels here


 

The Internet Is Offensive

Sometimes I think back to life before “The Internet”.  How did I get through school, much less University, without Google?  I Googled when Google was created, and the company was incorporated in 1998, so I probs should have known about it when I was at Uni, but I was too busy exposing my midriff in a boob tube and white pants at The Outback.  Read about how offensive the internet is here


 

Myth Busting

Until you’ve binged on gluten (as an adult) and shat your pants (as an adult) you’re not entitled to an opinion on whether gluten intolerance is psychosomatic. Let me assure you that shitting my pants is definitely not all in my head.  What could be psycho-something-or-other, is knowing I might shit my pants and eating gluten anyway.  Hazel busts a few myths here


 

The Good Bitch Group

I’ve decided to have a party and everyone is invited.  It’s The Good Bitch Group on Facebook, where the only condition is that you have to be a good bitch.  I don’t care if you were breast fed or bottle fed, if you get paid to work or you’re a volunteer, if you went to university or you didn’t finish high school, if you’re a good cook or a terrible cook, you just need to be a good bitch.  It doesn’t even matter if you don’t have good chat – just leave the chat to me!  Read about The Good Bitch Group here


 

Giving Less Trucks

I’m one of those incredible humans that makes resolutions.  Far be it from me to brag, but I’m an overachiever, and I don’t just make resolutions on the first day of the year, I make resolutions on all sorts of days.  Resolving to get my shit together isn’t the hard bit, it’s the follow through that I struggle with.  Maybe I should resolve to procrastinate and spend too much money on shoes and activewear and then I’ll be able to put a gold star on the resolutions chart.  Read about the resolution to give less trucks here


 

Nobody Likes a Know It All

When I was at Intermediate School we had to make a chocolate log in Home Economics.  Mum took one look at the recipe and insisted that I use her tried and true recipe instead and that I “fold it into a horse’s nose instead of rolling it into a log”.  Read about my temporary assignment out of unemployment here

 


The Proposal

Boyf and I got engaged in August, on the beach in Bali.  I haven’t posted about the proposal because it’s private.  Just kidding, nothing is private at our place.  It’s because it’s taken me this long to get over the idea of how it was supposed to be.  Read all about the proposal here


Losing My Fake Tan Virginity

I’m officially a product reviewer now, so if you’d like to do a collab (send me free shit), just flick me an email and I’ll give you my address.  If you’re worried about the number of eff bombs I drop, I am going to demonstrate a concerted effort to clean up my language.  Read about my fake tan review here


Don’t Be A Dick (A Rant)

Shit happens, and inevitably there are breakages – it’s concrete, but when the parcel arrives it’s obvious that I have done everything that I can to mitigate the risk.  So why be a dick about it?  Why send me a shitty email inferring that I smashed your order to smithereens and then paid $15 in postage to send it to you.  Read the rant here


Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

I’ve recently joined  neighbourly.co.nz, a girl from school was promoting the website at the Home Show and said it’s about getting back to a time when you could ask your neighbour for mint or a lemon, albeit via the internet.  You never know when you might need some cacao powder, so I thought I’d give it a nudge.  Read about sweating the small stuff here


Get a Haircut and get a Real Job

If you actually have full time commitments you might have missed the furore this week about social media being a crock of shit.  Would you believe that most people post only their highlights on social media?  Some people present an image of themselves that isn’t entirely accurate, I’m as shocked as you. Read about the social media furore here


Being Between Jobs

So it turns out that “I don’t read your blog – it’s too offensive” (mum), and “blog?  What blog?  The travel one?” (dad) were fibs, because both parents read the blog.  That means I’ll have to cut the eff bombs (my apologies, mum), and never again mention sanitary pads (sorry, dad).  Read about being between jobs here


Mean Girls

A while back, her Grandma advised that Miss M (Boyf’s eldest) had been having some issues with the girls at school.  Nothing too serious, just the usual cattiness that comes with having XX chromosomes.  I don’t remember it starting at nine, but heck, they’re starting everything young these days.  Read about mean girls here


Failure to Launch

This week my mantra has been “I am failing at life”.  In hindsight that’s a bit dramatic, from where I’m sitting (on the couch with a wine), there’s not enough collateral damage to classify this as life failure, just a failure to launch. Read about my failure to launch here


Perception vs Reality

Before I met boyf, I spent a lot of time riding solo. A lot of time. And I remember the way that I thought that relationships played out. I’d see couples on social media, and coupling around in real life, and I’d make up things about their perfect relationship. It got me thinking about whether people make up things about our relationship, about perception versus reality, and how vastly these things differ.  Read about our reality here


What Would Kenny Do?

I’ve been internalising a debate about posting this. Seems a bit personal, a bit naff.  But I really wanted to share Kenny’s story here


The weekend that was. That wasn’t.

I wanted you guys to be the first to know: I’m not engaged.  Read about the weekend that wasn’t here


You Know Mercury is in Retrograde When…

I’m far from an Astrologist, but I read about Mercury Retrograde on Zoe Marshall’s blog one day, and I’ve done a bit of research on it. Mercury Retrograde happens three times a year (four if we’re lucky), and in short, things go a little haywire for a couple of weeks.  Read about the battles of Mercury Retrograde here


Copy Cat, Dirty Rat

A few interesting things happened in the last weekend of March (which feels like an eternity ago).  One I’m not at liberty to discuss, but I can tell you that I went to a wedding, and I can also divulge that I got gastro.  In the middle of the speeches.

I also received my first cease and desist notice.  Via Facebook, does that count?

I don’t remember being accused of plagiarism before, not even when I used to plagiarise my friend Lindsay’s assignments at law school.  Read about the copying accusations here


20 Facts

I’ve been tagged on Instagram by a few lovely ladies to share 20 facts.  I think they’re supposed to be facts about me.  That’s a lot of facts.

I’ve tried three times now to upload my facts, so here they are


A Weekend Away

Earlier this year it dawned on me that I probably won’t be getting nominated for “Girlfriend of the Year” in 2015. We had some guests over from Australia, and Sam, who is a finalist for “Wife of the Year” asked me where the iron was. I had no idea. I tracked it down eventually (there aren’t many places to hide in boyf’s house) but the whereabouts of the ironing board had me completely stumped. “Don’t you iron?” asked Sam, “oh hell no lady, I steam!” (Reading about heading away for the weekend here)


What’s Your Goal Weight?

Recently I trialled a non invasive cosmetic procedure at a local beauty therapy establishment. By non-invasive I mean that I didn’t have liposuction, and I didn’t have breast augmentation, I didn’t even have fillers, but did consider it momentarily (just a couple of units in the upper lip?!?), and there is nothing wrong with any or all of those being a part of your self love journey…(Read about my self love journey here)


Dating a Dad: A Guide for Dummies

This weekend is my one year anniversary of meeting the child that came part and parcel of my relationship with her dad. I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend, and I definitely wasn’t looking for a ready made family, but in the words of the Stones “you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need”. I already had three dependents of my own: my cat and my parents. My parents live with me. Both of them. In their house. Despite my vast experience with caretaking, a guide like this would have been handy…(Read the guide here)


2014 – The Year Of The Cleanse

2014 was The Year Of The Cleanse. And I don’t mean a juice cleanse, or a series of colonic irrigations, I cleansed my “friends”.

After four years living in Australia, I got home and felt like I had missed out on so much. In my absence my friends had met men, met ladies, had babies, bought houses, forged new careers, and I felt an obligation to make up for lost time. For the first two years I ran myself ragged, racing around the country “catching up” with these people…(Read the full post here)


Your Presence is Gift Enough

But is it though? Really?

Some of the weddings that I have been invited to recently, have had a wee card enclosed, insisting that it is not necessary to bring a gift, bbuuuuut if you did want to get us one, we’ll have a wishing well, aaaaand here’s our bank details in case the thought of leaving cash in a card in a bird cage, on a table makes you anxious…(Read the full post here)


A Monday in the Life of Hazel

I’m sure many of you are intrigued about the glamorous life of an online clothing store owner.  I spend three days a week in a real office, with real people, working a real job, and I spend four days a week as my alter ego Hazel.  Here’s a taste of a typical Hazel day…(read about a Monday in the Life of Hazel here)


Keep Calm It’s Just Mercury In Retrograde

I’ve had a pretty average month to be honest, and so has Hazel.  I’m not talking average as in my cat got run over, my house burned down, and I was diagnosed with a terminal illness, I’m talking average as in, every little annoying thing that can go wrong, has gone wrong.  I thought it was just me battling away as usual, but then I heard on the radio something about Mercury being in Retrograde, so I Googled it up, and suddenly it all made sense…(read about Mercury in Retrograde here)


Fun Facts About Hazel

I didn’t mean to create Hazel, she just kinda happened.  And I like her.  She’s nice, she’s patient.  She likes positive affirmations and motivational sayings, and she doesn’t swear as much as me.  She’s very helpful, and she’s way better at customer service than I could ever be.  I built Hazel’s House because I was sick of seeing Australian brands in NZ for three times the price that Australian’s pay.  It’s taken almost a year to convince some brands to supply Hazel’s House, and now I think we’re onto a pretty good thing… (read some fun facts about Hazel here)


It’s time for Tinder

Nearly every single person I know has taken the step into Tinder-land.  If you’re not familiar with Tinder, there’s a wee article on it here, but basically it’s online speed dating based on pics found on your Facebook profile.

I refused to buy into this free app, purely because I didn’t want to be the girl who was judging guys on their looks… (read all about my experience with Tinder here)


Diary of Dry July (Part Two)

Dear Diary

Yesterday afternoon was the first afternoon in recent history that we decided to have wine in the office.  I hid in the bathroom so that my pained expression wouldn’t be apparent to all and sundry.  Speaking of pained expressions, I must book in for more Botox.  My “open book face” is getting me into trouble in the office again: “do you not agree Renee? You look a bit peeved”…(read about the second half of Dry July here)


Worst Case Scenario

There are times when I have been labeled a pessimist. I don’t feel like I’m overly pessimistic, but there are times when I inadvertantly highlight the worst case scenario. After a lot of soul searching, I realised that there is someone I can blame for this: my mum.

At the time we didn’t really notice, but growing up mum always thought of the worst case scenario. Of course we got all the usual threats: if you get out of bed the boogey man will get you (quite obviously different to the boogie man); if you don’t brush your teeth they’ll fall out; if you watch too much TV you’ll get square eyes; if you go outside with wet hair you’ll catch a chill; if the wind changes when you’re pulling a face, your face will stay that way; if you don’t do your homework you’ll get held back a year. Lucky for us, we were born to a mum that liked to step it up a notch…(read about the worst cases here)


Diary of Dry July (and Intermittent Fasting)

Day One: Monday July 1st

Dear Diary

Dry July, what a good idea. How many more of these two day hangovers can I cope with? Not many I hear you say. Not when I am trying to work two full time jobs. My liver is jumping for joy inside my abdomen. I’m not a big drinker, but I am a binge drinker. I’m like a 16 year old stuck in a 36 year old’s body, my idea of fun is drinking Blue Hawaii from the bladder like it’s going out of fashion. It did go out of fashion, and that’s a shame.

Speaking of wine cooler, if it was sunny, and I was pool side, I would murder a West Coast right now. And by a West Coast I mean a carton of…

I weighed myself today Diary, and I think the (very) early morning night trips to a variety of fast food establishments have taken their toll. There has been movement on the Weight Watchers state of the art digital scale – in an undesirable direction. It’s time to try something new: intermittent fasting… (read the rest of the diary here)


Dear 20 Year Old Me

You’re 20! How exciting! Finally out of your teens, you’ve been waiting so long for this! 20 sounds, like, sooooo much older than, like, 19! It’s, like, weird aye? Like cool, but, like, weird.

You’ll starve for six weeks to fit into the dress you had made for your 21st. If this gets to you before then, I would recommend you just decrease your food intake and increase your exercise. This will save the meltdown that you will have on the day of your 21st party because you don’t like your cake. The cake is fine. It’s not what you had in mind, but who cares? (read the post here)


“What do you do for fun?”

This question was asked in my last job interview, and is the main reason that I have never attended a speed dating session.  What do I do for fun?  How am I supposed to answer that?

If you wanted an honest answer it would go something like this: (read the honest answer here)


Things I wish I was better at

There are so many things I wish I was better at.  I’m not being all “I’m no good at anything” either, cos there’s things that I am good at, but I would happily forfeit some of my incredible talents if it meant I got to be good at waaaay better stuff.

I wish I could sing.  Sometimes, when I’m belting out a power ballad in the Pleasurecraft, I feel sorry for the people in the car beside me at the lights.  They’re two panes of glass away, and I bet it’s still offensive.  I know this, because I’ve seen a few Chihuahua X Maltese Terriers howling along from the back seat… (read the post here)


Crying in the car

I’m so glad that it’s nearly June because May was a bit of a downer month for me.  For most people, if they’re having a bit of a sad time, something like “I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet” would make them appreciate the things they do have.  For me, I stop being sad for myself, and start being really sad for the guy with no feet.  Imagine having no feet?  Life would be so hard with no feet!

May is Mother’s Day month and I have several friends who have lost their mums.  So while we’re celebrating our amazing mums, they’re reminded all month that they don’t have one to spend the day with…(read the post here)


Meanwhile at Hazel’s House

You’ll have to excuse me, today is my 21st day in a row in the office. I’ve been working a bit of overtime at my real job, the one I get paid for. I’ve still got 3 days before I get a break, which is great practise for when I’m eventually self employed and every day will be a work day. What it does mean though, is that there’s not a lot of intellect or wit to script a post, but I’ll give it a nudge.

So last time we spoke about Hazel’s House, I was hurriedly trying to solve the mystery of the missing dresses. After several private calls made from the work phone – a huge no no, but usual behaviour of a square peg in a round hole, I tracked down the parcel. It had been returned to the courier base, where they were trying to find the elusive Hazel.

I rock up, ring the bell, and after 10 minutes they bring out the box…(read the post here)


Square peg in a round hole

I’m not sure if I’m a square peg in a round hole, or more a round peg trying to squeeze into a square hole.  A square peg in a round hole implies that I don’t have enough peg to fill the space, when in reality I think it’s the opposite – there’s too much peg to try and jam it all in, there’s parts of the peg that don’t really fit into most environments.

I don’t like to take life too seriously. Of course there are times when life is serious. Funerals are pretty serious. Although, at my Pop’s funeral, we were carrying his casket and my cousin got jammed between the church pew and the coffin. He was wedged firmly, and we came to a standstill part way up the aisle. My sister and I were at the front wearing ridiculously high heels (mum surprised us with the pall bearer news in the car on the way to the service), laughing our heads off and trying really hard not to drop Pop on the floor!

Anywho, I digress…(read the post here)


 Choosing your ‘tude

I am well aware that all of my “problems” are first world problems, but that doesn’t stop me from sometimes having a wee pity party.  This party is usually held about 07:45am on any given week day and has a VIP guest list of one.

My moods are quite weather dependant, I’m somewhat solar powered, so anything more than 72 hours of rain and I’m fighting the urge to call in sick and go back to bed – indefinitely.

Last Wednesday morning I was driving to work, wearing my pity party hat, jacked up on pity party food, and I thought ‘right, between now and the office you have to find three things that make you smile’…(read the post here)


No one said it would be easy…

When I moved back to New Zealand from Australia for my “dream job” (more on that another day) I was disappointed and frustrated by the lack of women’s clothing options available here, and the prices that we were expected to pay – up to twice as much as our Australian friends!

I wanted to start up an online store, so I approached the distributors of my favourite labels.  Some of the suppliers agreed to allow me to stock their products once the website was live, others said that they were restricted by exclusive supply agreements with a certain retailer, and others replied straight away with: “no, sorry”.

I filed the idea in the too hard basket, and focused on my “dream job”, then went on the trip of a lifetime (you can read all about that here), and didn’t really think about it a whole lot more…(read the post here)

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