Taihape, You’re Letting The Team Down

March 16, 2017

UPDATE: Danni from BP Connect in Taihape called me. We had a great chat – she’s a GB. Next time I go to Taihape, her and I are going to have a coupla SSCB’s and a short black!

By now it’s no secret that I love a Southern Style Chicken Bite from Wild Bean at BP Connect.  I need to confess that, of late, I have been partaking in them much more than I should be.  It’s not really my fault though, they’re for road trips only, and working in Aucks totes counts as a road trip.

Anywho, I digress.  Julio and I went to Palmerston North for a farm conference (#roadtrip).  It was an interesting coupla days with industry organisation after industry organisation convincing us that they are going to “tell our story” and “form global connections” and “sell into wealthy markets offshore”.

After realising that the industry is pretty much poked, that these fat cats have little idea what they’re talking about, and deciding that we should open the gates and let the cattle go feral like SAFE suggests, we were both craving a Southern Style Chicken Bite or five.

We bypassed BP Connect on the way out of Palmy, we zoomed straight past BP Connect in Bulls.  I was about a 12/10 on the hunger scale, but I lied to Julio and said that I could wait until the next stop.  We got to Taihape…there was only one (rather shrivelled looking) Southern Style Chicken Bite in the cabinet.

I asked (politely), if the cabinet was about to be restocked.  The answer was inaudible, but I think it might have been something along the lines of, “na!”.  So what did I do?

I Snapchatted about it.  I wasn’t derogatory, I wasn’t defamatory, I was just hangry and mildly devastated that there were not enough delicious chicken morsels available.  It’s a bit of an inside joke you see – I post about those bites, other people message me about those bites, I laugh, they laugh.

So I turn around and a BP Connect staff member is at me like a bull at a gate.  Which, might I add, is a stupid analogy, because in my experience bulls do not run at the gate, they run at each other, or at the fence, or at the dog, or at the bike.

I have a personality flaw, and when someone runs at me like a bull at a bike, I do not back down.  Unless of course there is an actual bull running at the bike and I just shit myself and hope the smell puts him off.

So there I am, at BP Connect in Taihape and this staff member is so close to my face that I can smell her breath and see she uses depilatory cream on her facial hair and not wax (the regrowth is different).

“Did you just take a picture of our cabinet?!?! Why are you taking pictures of our cabinet?!?!”, both of which were obviously rhetorical questions, because before I had the opportunity to respond, she got (even) closer and said, “you’re not allowed to take pictures of the cabinet, it’s against our policy!!”.

Anyone with a sense of self-preservation would apologise, which is exactly what I didn’t do.  Instead, I said that if there were terms and conditions of entry into Wild Bean, these needed to be clearly displayed at the entrance.  I also suggested that her customer service skills could do with some work.  I did manage to resist the urge to record her rant for Snapchat.

And that, is how you win friends and influence people.  Honestly, I can’t help it, it’s my natural charm.


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