What’s In A Name

July 13, 2017
Be Like Macy

Hazel is not my real name, it’s Renée. I started this blog to add personality to my online clothing store. SEO for Dummies suggested I post regular content and link it to the website to create back links and make Google bots happy and stuff.

In a saturated market, I was trying to differentiate my product and my brand. It didn’t work. Hazel’s House was a six figure fail. I kept blogging as “Hazel” because I had a real job in a real office with a real boss and not everyone loves the idea of an employee swearing on the internet.

For a few years I posted with naivety. I assumed that people who stumbled across Hazel’s blog (or were directed to it), and didn’t agree with something Hazel said, would just carry on with their lives. I underestimated the amount of spare time some people have.

I am an extroverted introvert, I don’t enjoy being the topic of conversation (except of course if Julio and Dave from Jewellers Workshop are talking about how I like my diamonds…). The idea that people read Hazel’s posts and conjure up shit to attack Renée’s character makes my anxiety levels skyrocket.

The anxiety around posting on the blog and Facebook has contributed to a chronic dose of writer’s block. I try to write posts, but when I read them back it doesn’t sound like me. What you read is what you get – and truth be told, Renée is actually waaaaay more opinionated than Hazel.

I am paid to have an opinion. Big corporates engage me to extract data, manipulate it into meaningful info and offer suggestions for big business decisions. I am often sitting in a meeting and I get asked, “what do you think we should do?”

“I dunno, I don’t really wanna get involved, but I’ll message my friends and see what they say. Can I get back to you tomorrow once they’ve helped me decide?” is not an appropriate response.

The other week I offered Julio’s mum an unsolicited suggestion about a racing name for a horse. Now, there’s two outcomes;

  • Julio’s mum will accept my suggestion and Spice will race as *insert amazing name here*
  • Julio’s mum will decide on another name for Spice

If Spice races as *insert embarrassingly perfect name here*, I will still yell, “run Spicy!!!!” from the VIP area at Flemington when she wins the Melbourne Cup like the sassy bitch she is…because, “go *insert extraordinarily well-matched racing name here*!!” doesn’t really roll off the tongue.

If Spice races as *insert a different name that Julio’s mum picks* (which won’t be as good, but she pays my rent, so I will pretend I like it, even though I will always think, ‘my name was waaaay better’), here is what I won’t do…

I won’t write a pointed status update on Facebook for my solitary friend (Zebby the cat) to read and jump to conclusions about:

“Won’t mention names, but don’t you hate it when you put yourself out there and offer a suggestion for a racing name for a horse and your partner’s mum decides to name her horse something else?!?! – feeling disappointed”.

I won’t leave cryptic comments on other people’s pointed status updates on Facebook:

“Know what you mean hun, having the same issues at my place. So hard when you try to be involved and your partner’s family just shuts you down. It’s a tough one *hugs*”

I won’t take to Snapchat and rant about how unfairly I’ve been treated because Julio’s mum has just registered Spice under her new racing name and that bitch didn’t use the name I suggested!!! Followed by a long pause as my eyes well up – I am clearly upset!

I won’t set aside time in my “busy” schedule to write a blog about how offended I am that “someone” didn’t name her horse *insert my phenomenal name here* and instead named it *insert nowhere near as good name here*. And list all the reasons that I am so upset about her complete disregard for my feelings.

If Julio’s mum calls her horse whatever the fuck she likes because it’s her fucking horse and she pays the fucking bills, here’s what I will do: I will carry on with my life.

P.S. Julio’s mum, I know you’re reading this…and I know that you know, and I know, that my name is a great name #justsaying

Hazel Signature

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41 comments

Kelsey Jade Leahy
Kelsey Jade Leahy July 13, 2017 at 8:01 pm

Is this the gorgeous dainty grey mare you’re talking about?!

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 13, 2017 at 8:56 pm

That’s Overkaast ⬆ Wait until you hear my name for the Ifraaj filly…it’s so good!

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Kelsey Jade Leahy
Kelsey Jade Leahy July 13, 2017 at 8:58 pm

She’s greyed out so much!! I haven’t seen her in about 6 years tho!

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Nicole Hinz
Nicole Hinz July 13, 2017 at 8:10 pm

Keep blogging… it’s refreshing to read. I’m over every blogger posting about the same sponsored product, having a bad day, etc. More laughs and more Rog!!!

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Claire Van Der Merwe
Claire Van Der Merwe July 13, 2017 at 8:50 pm

Rog, Rog, Rog can you hear me? Julio’s voice in my head!!

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Claire Van Der Merwe
Claire Van Der Merwe July 13, 2017 at 8:50 pm

Rog, Rog, Rog can you hear me? Julio’s voice in my head!!

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Kimberley Birchfield
Kimberley Birchfield July 13, 2017 at 9:40 pm

Personally i loved the tractor chat hahaha. And im with you Nicole. Most blogs are the same ol’ same ol’. Love following you Renee

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Nadia Gillbanks
Nadia Gillbanks July 13, 2017 at 8:12 pm

No way!!!! Totally thought your name was Hazel

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 13, 2017 at 8:18 pm

It suits me@

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 13, 2017 at 8:18 pm

It suits me@

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Emma Burland
Emma Burland July 13, 2017 at 8:13 pm

Love your snaps.

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 13, 2017 at 8:18 pm

Thank you! Even when I’m crying over a cow?

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 13, 2017 at 8:23 pm
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Shannon Goodman
Shannon Goodman July 13, 2017 at 8:20 pm

And this is exactly why I fucking love you! #tribe

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 13, 2017 at 8:24 pm

#wegotthis

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Ingrid Hughes
Ingrid Hughes July 13, 2017 at 8:33 pm

Love your blogs, don’t stop!! Some people are just miserable and boring and jealous of your superb talent.

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Mikyla Tinker
Mikyla Tinker July 13, 2017 at 9:47 pm

Rat chats taking off. They had rat chat on The Edge today.

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 14, 2017 at 7:49 am

Our rat took off too! Lived in the range hood for a while after he ate his mate…but now he’s gone!

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Kim Sneddon
Kim Sneddon July 13, 2017 at 8:37 pm

Love it chicky. Keep it up

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 13, 2017 at 8:50 pm

Thank you!

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Jodine July 13, 2017 at 8:42 pm

Ha ha, I love it!! But you’ll always be Hazel to me when you pop up in my newsfeed.

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Hazel July 14, 2017 at 11:08 am

I call her Hazel too! Weird, I know!

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 13, 2017 at 8:47 pm

Hahahahaha. That was SO bad. Thanks for not judging. Never did come out of the white pants – in case you’re wondering…

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 13, 2017 at 8:50 pm

Thank you ❤

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F Meeks July 13, 2017 at 8:54 pm

I wonder if its kind of like the anxiety I have when I want to post that all the horrible people you talk about in your blog are c$&@s but I refrain from it because people seem to be offended by the word.

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Hazel July 14, 2017 at 11:09 am

Hahahaha. I imagine it’s much the same. The struggle is real!

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Kayte July 13, 2017 at 8:56 pm

What I want to know is if Julio is really Julio?

P.S I love everything you write, you’re hilarious

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Hazel July 14, 2017 at 11:10 am

Thank you! No! He’s got an alias too! And I let that cat out of the bag on Snapchat last night when I was yelling at him like the fish wife I am!

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Kathleen July 13, 2017 at 8:58 pm

Love your snapchat. Cracks me up!. Also Julio takeovers are hilarious too Keep doing what ya doing

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Hazel July 14, 2017 at 11:10 am

Thank you! Julio does such a good job! Loves a takeover!

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Frith Cowen
Frith Cowen July 13, 2017 at 8:58 pm

Love you hun, the horse and the gummies… By the way I am very very happy for you xxxxx

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 14, 2017 at 7:54 am

Thank you lovely! She is one of my faves. Life is amazing – I’m very very happy for me too xx

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 14, 2017 at 7:48 am

#authentic was the only new year “resolution”…I’m trying!

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 14, 2017 at 7:51 am

Thank you! I’ve got my groove back! Already drafting a post for next week…it’s about potato chips #notsponsored

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 14, 2017 at 7:57 am

Thanks Megan! I need to get my groove back ❤

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 14, 2017 at 7:57 am

Thanks lovely ❤

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 14, 2017 at 7:57 am

Thanks lovely ❤

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Megan Field
Megan Field July 14, 2017 at 8:43 am

Dad says that to. So maybe a dad joke. ..

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Hannah Blaikie
Hannah Blaikie July 14, 2017 at 7:21 pm

Same!!

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What Hazel Said
What Hazel Said July 14, 2017 at 11:10 pm

I busted through the block! Look at me go!

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Aimee Jones
Aimee Jones July 15, 2017 at 10:08 pm

Tara Fleming

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